Friday, October 2, 2009

So sad

There is an answer

in the silence.

There is answer

in your mind.

There is an answer

in there in the the song somewhere.

There is a song in the music that defines your very soul.

The very music that was sung to bring you there is meant to bring you out.

What can you do when you end up cutting your hair?

The deepest thought longfelt?

To drive you to carry out such a task

Or to write the saddest thing you have felt


Words cannot describe.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Looking for a Cure

I am forgetting how to write.
I go to sleep early every night. Too busy during the day.. Don't know what to write. Have nothing to write about.
I blame just about everything for my inability to write anymore.. I have many excuses. Too many bad things happened to me last year so I stopped writing, took a break. Really. Too busy to sit, too tired after work, gotta make dinner gotta go for a walk, yoga or the grocery store.
Then my friend klo helped me start up this blog on and suggested I just write. Thanks K, easy for you to say- that's all you do.
I have many plans of bettering my life- writing more would be in those plans. Many very simple things can help you value your days if you focus on what you want and need-to certain measures. Mind you I still keep regular notes to self and lists in my moleskin and of course my current journal.
I am going to use my blog now.
I am officially welcoming myself back or to a new form of writing and communication for me.
I just need to go outside and have a cigaretteand go to bed but I will start writing regularily again, and that is all I know.


Monday, January 19, 2009

My Little Chicken Nugget

"What did you dream last night?" I asked Emily, mostly to slowly test the ground I was treading and to help her with the transition into another Monday morning on not enough sleep.

"I dreamed about french fries and chicken nugget's...and the french fries got mad at me cause I liked the chicken nugget's better."
Emily, my brilliant five-year-old, went on to say she even tried to like the fries but bit into one and still didn't like it so there was a war between the french fries and the chicken nugget's.
I thought maybe the Mulan story played a role in this one.
"That is so amazing that you can remember your dream Em," I said half believing her story because how could anyone make something like that up.
"I have to write that down," I promised.

Anyway the day went on. I dropped Em off at daycare and got myself to work only ten minutes late- if only I hadn't of stopped to chat to the neighbour who tried to squeeze my whole life story out of me- and a smoke while Emily got side tracked building tunnels in the snow. Damn it!

After work I take the beagle Finnegan, for a good walk around a big stretch of the nicest part of town and have him slide me down the hills- A great winter sport if you do not own a board. I go to pick up Emily after catching my breath. She gets upset because there may be a change of plans this evening and Sparks may be cancelled, which means she doesn't get her usual Monday night play with her friend Emilia. Immediately she looks for a scapegoat and demands McDonald's french fries, ironically enough. I give in cause I am able to provide her with that quick fix- anything to keep her from bawling that painful whine that makes my brain ring!
So we hit the golden arches drive through in the snowstorm, cause it's the least I could do since I already spent most all of my cash at the grocery store. So, we order a large fries cause I think she really wants them- and a toy- Yeah! it's the little puppy she's been wanting. She says she will save the fries till she gets home and not that there is a problem with what I am going to tell you next but it is the principal of it. Here goes.
We were nearly home, driving down the last road till we park and she tells me the smell of the fries were giving her a headache and hurting her tummy. Well can you imagine that? She already told me this morning she decided she did not like fries anymore. What was I thinking I should have known that would happen. So no more fries for Emily- This leads into a gorge for mommy. Instead of testing my will like Emily suggested I did not throw those fries away- While I made Emily dinner complete with animal shaped chicken nuggets, pork chops, and Caesar salad, and curried stew complete with mom's tea biscuits-for me- I ate the firkin french fries- every last one- before dinner. I hate temptation!
My blogs will become healthier- I promise.